


My Captain

by IvanW



Series: The Bond Between Series [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memories, Past Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 11:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock Prime of The Bond Between Them remembers certain memeories of his own relationship with his own Kirk<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	My Captain

I’d been trying for a few minutes to reach Ambassador Spock when he finally appeared on my screen. He was dressed in a red and brown robe and he held a cup of tea in his frail hands.

“Hi, Spock. I’m sorry to disturb you.”

“You are not, Jim. I am surprised to hear from you so soon after your visit to New Vulcan. Are you well?’

“Yeah, I’m fine. Can you hang on one second? I’m gonna get a coffee.” I stood up from the chair behind my desk and went to the replicator. I ordered the coffee and then flipped open my communicator. “Kirk to Spock.”

“Yes, Captain?”

“You have the conn for a bit, okay?”

“Is everything all right?”

“Sure, sure. Don’t fret.”

“Vulcans do not fret.”

I smiled. “Yeah I know. I’m just talking to someone right now. I’ll be there soon. Contact me if there’s an emergency.”

“Yes, Captain. Spock out.”

I went back to my desk chair with my coffee. “Sorry about that. Had to make sure the bridge was covered.”

“You look serious.”

Nodding, I took a sip of my coffee. “I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

I sighed and bit my lip. “When I was at your house, I think I overstepped.”

The elder Spock frowned a little. “How so, Jim?’

“When I wanted to-to see me-him. The video. I was being selfish. I didn’t even think about how it might make you feel.”

Spock shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, Jim. I did not mind that you watched it.”

“You didn’t? Because you know sometimes I can act without thinking.”

“I am well aware of that.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I guess you would be.”

“I do regret that it upset you.”

“Oh, please don’t. It was…I don’t want to say I loved seeing it because it was sad, too, but, well, I think I understand a lot of things now. More than I did.” I smiled. “I didn’t even think about how much I might look like him. I mean, duh, I _am_ him. He _was_ me. Well, sort of I guess. It’s weird to be him, but not you know. God, sometimes it gives me a headache.”

“You do not look exactly like him,” Spock admitted. “But there are definite similarities. Enough that I recognized you instantly on Delta Vega.”

I searched his face. His dark eyes held a lot of sorrow and loneliness. Something I was not used to seeing in my own Spock’s eyes. “I do make you sad. You’ve denied it before but it’s not entirely true that I don’t.”

“Sometimes…yes.”

I closed my eyes briefly and when I opened them he was staring at me very intently. “Do you want me to leave you alone, Spock?”

I would hate not to have contact with him, but if that was what he wanted, I would respect his wishes. I didn’t want to keep causing him pain by his having to deal with me. I couldn’t be that selfish.

“Jim,” he said after a lengthy silence. “Imagine you are ninety years old and everyone you spent most of your life with has passed away. Including your bondmate. You are sent through a black hole into another time, another dimension. To your surprise all those people you spent your life with are alive and young again. Not exactly the same, but very close to those you held in great affection. Vibrant and full of life as they once were. There amongst them is a young version of you, but also a young version of Spock. How do you think you would feel?”

I stared at him, my mind processing everything he’d said. After a while, I shook my head. “I think I would want to spend as much time with Spock as I could.”

“It is the same for me. You are not my Jim. But you are as close as I will ever have again.”

“I hate seeing you sad.”

Spock nodded. “You always did. You always knew when I was sad and sought to comfort me.”

“Did I?”

 “Yes. Jim knew me better than anyone ever had or ever would. Just as you know my young counterpart and he knows you.”

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.” Uhura’s voice.

“Yes, Lieutenant?”

“Starfleet, sir. Admiral Stiles.”

“All right. Give me one minute.” I muted the comm. “Duty calls.”

“I understand. We will talk again, Jim.”

And Ambassador Spock winked out.

****

Spock stood and went into his kitchen for more tea. As generally happened, any contact with Jim Kirk had him thinking of his own Jim. It was not the young Jim’s fault and Spock would not have wanted to stop him in any event. But whenever he heard from Jim, Spock’s memories would surface.

Jim always could tell when Spock needed comforting.

_“Thought I’d find you here.” Jim wrapped his arms around Spock. “What are you doing?”_

_“Going through her things,” Spock said without inflection._

_“You don’t have to do that.”_

_“I do not want my father to have to do so.” He folded up another garment that had been his mother’s. She had passed away just a few days earlier._

_“I meant I would do it for you,” Jim said, gently turning Spock to face him. His hazel eyes were intense as he looked at Spock. “I know it has to be really hard right now. You know, you don’t even have to do this now. We could come back and go through them in a few months.”_

_Spock shook his head. “I appreciate the sentiment, Ashayam, but when will we have time to come back? Starfleet only gave us a few days for my mother’s funeral. They do not wish to have their most decorated Admiral out of commission for too long.”_

_“To hell with them.” But Jim smiled, his eyes crinkling. “I don’t answer to them, I answer to you.”_

_“I am certain you do indeed answer to them.”_

_Jim sighed. “I don’t want you to have to do this, Spock. You are sad enough.”_

_Spock acknowledged that with a slight tilt of his head. “Grieving is normal, Jim.”_

_“Normal. I hate normal. And I hate it when you’re sad.” Jim hugged him. “I don’t understand something.”_

_Spock pulled Jim back enough to look into his eyes. “What?”_

_“Why did your father choose a human mate?”_

_Spock frowned. “Because he loved her.”_

_“Yeah, but. But.” Jim shook his head. “Vulcans outlive humans. He had to know eventually she would die and their bond would be severed. You know it, too.”_

_“You felt our bond severe when I died fixing the warp core.”_

_“Yes.” Jim blew out a breath. “It nearly destroyed me. If it wasn’t for you putting your Katra inside Bones so we could revive you, I am not sure I would have made it.”_

_“You would. You are strong, T’hy’la. Stronger and braver than anyone I have ever known.”_

_Jim touched Spock’s cheek. “I am supposed to be comforting you. My point is, Spock, why did you choose a human mate knowing I am likely to die before you?”_

_“There is no one else for me, Jim,” Spock said, stating it as a fact. It was to Spock. “My only regret is not sharing our lives together earlier.”_

_“I have that too. But you know, Spock, I can’t really regret anything we went through. Our love is what it is because of all that went before. I’m not sure our bond would be this strong otherwise.”_

_Spock held up two fingers and Jim met them with his own in the Vulcan kiss._

_“Do you think your father will be okay?”_

_“It will be difficult at first for him. They were together for a lot of years.”_

_Jim nodded. “As crazy as it sounds I think she softened Sarek a bit.”_

_“It does not sound crazy…exactly.”_

_Jim looked down at Amanda’s things. “She had a lot of stuff.”_

_Spock agreed. “She collected items from many planets.”_

_Jim picked up a holo picture. “Hey, it’s us.” It was Spock and Jim right after their bonding ceremony. “I didn’t even know this was taken.”_

_Then he picked up another. This one was of him, Spock, and McCoy from earlier in their careers._

_“I remember this one. The elder from Grenda VI took it.  Did you give it to your mom?”_

_Spock nodded. “I did not think you would mind.”_

_“Of course not. Oh, and this is one of your parents. Wow, how cool is that? They look so young.” Jim’s eyes sparkled. “You have to have these, Spock. Your mom’s pictures.”_

_“I must check with my father.”_

_“Oh, my God, Spock, look what she had.” Jim pulled out a gold captain’s shirt and a blue science officer shirt out of a box. He blinked several times and Spock saw the wet sheen of his eyes. “These…these were ours from, you know, back then.”_

_“Yes, Ashayam.” Spock touched the gold one. “I did not know she had these.”_

_“Your mom was something else, Spock.” Jim hugged him. “I’m really going to miss her.”_

_“As will I.”_

Spock shook himself from the memory.  He no longer felt like drinking another cup of tea and instead went to his room where he kept the small box with the belongings he took everywhere with him. He’d been fortunate, actually, that Nero had not taken them from him. If Nero had guessed their significance, Spock knew the Romulan would not have hesitated.

All the holo pictures were there of course. Some of which he had shown to young Jim and his own counterpart. But he was looking for something in particular. Folded up at the very bottom. He fingers touched the soft, but worn material.

He removed it from the box, holding the faded gold material to his face. Sentimental and illogical, of course. But it had been Jim’s shirt. His captain’s, his lover’s, his bondmate’s, his T’hy’la’s. He closed his eyes and buried his face in the shirt and the memories.   


End file.
